Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
