I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
