Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
