im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
