you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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