Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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