why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
