redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
