Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
