And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
