i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
