Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
