Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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