I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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