Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
