i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
