He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
