You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
