I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
