They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
