Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
