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Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
