I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
