My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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