after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Enjoy the penises
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
