$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
