I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
