Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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