I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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