Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
