can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
