And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
