I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
