My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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