Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
