he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
