Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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