would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
