is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
