sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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