Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
