I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
