my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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