Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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