I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
