i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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