did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
