Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
