I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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