the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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